Flashback

If you have ever been in a near-death experience, you may have seen your life “flash” before your eyes. I’ve asked several people about this. They said that it was like they went through their whole life in a second. That’s not too far fetched. Your brain likes to avoid stress, so that it does not have to deal with facing death. So if your brain was to think you were going to die, it would go to the easiest way to escape: memory. So when it comes close to the end, your brain turns on every memory you ever had.

The brain will also stay alive for about 7 minutes after you die, provided your brain is intact. So if you have 7 minutes and you can experience your whole life in one second, that’s 60 lives per minute. 420 lives in 7 minutes. That’s a lot of time and a lot of experiences with death.

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Our Possibilities

Id like to take this time to write a small essay about possibilities. Yours, mine, and everyone elses. There are times when we do things that we dont intend to do. At those times, we tend to think to ourselves, “man, if only I did it the other way.” This raises up my question. What if that possibility actually existed? What if it was a path that you could have taken? What if it actually happened.

Incase you’re still clueless about what I’m talking about, It’s the multiverse theory. It is a theory which states that our timeline exists like a Web. Only one timeline is visible to us, but there are an infinite number of ways on how a certain point in your life could have differed if you chose the other path.

Now this theory may sound farfetched and I do agree, it is quite sketchy… but what if it were real? You see, I believe that we will never get to understand the universe and everything in it to a hundred percent. Because of that, we are left clueless. Which is why we ask questions. Now I ask you which would you believe in, a world full of possibilities or a world that has none else to offer?

Lifeline

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Look around you. What do you see? If you’re at home, you are probably seeing the objects you see in your everyday life, from when you wake up in the morning, until you go to bed at night. Same are those you would see outside. Bustling cars and incomprehensible words coming out from people’s mouths.

Now, they do seem normal right? Nothing much to be afraid of since you see them everyday, and that you got used to them. But what if I tell you that any minute now, one of these things, objects, or even people can kill you.

Let us put it like this. Imagine the last time you crossed the street. Imagining it now? Good. Now think about the cars that were on the other side. Look as how they seem like bulls on leashes, ready to trample on you the moment the red light disappears.

I’m not saying that you need to be super cautious. I’m saying that you shouldn’t let your guard down. You see, everything around you can and could have ended your life as it is. And I learned that the hard way… almost.

Note to Self # 3: Claustrophilia

I am a claustrophile. Yes, you read that right, claustrophile. If you would ask my trusty friend, Wikipedia, a claustrophile is a person that is claustrophilic (duh) or someone who loves closed-in spaces. Most people I know are claustrophobic, the total opposite of my condition. To be honest, I’m not as comfortable in wide spaces as compared to closed spaces and right now, in my gigantic room (well my whole flat is my room right now so…) im not as comfortable as I was in my old room back in the old house, but worry not, I can still live with wide spaces.

As to the reason why I’m like this… it’s probably because of my introvertedness which I would talk about some other time, and a personal past. To be honest, i don’t want to talk about it because of reasons. Let’s just say it made me this way. And for the past few years, (basically nearly  my whole life until now) I’ve lived in small places, be it a 20 sq. meter condominium, a bed spacer, a small room in a house I didn’t own, you name it. I guess I just got so used to it that it became a part of who I am.

Getting in closed spaces makes me feel secure. It makes me feel assured that I am safe and that I have a grasp at the immediate surroundings. It makes me feel that I know what I am looking at and what I can work with. I can control what happens in this small area that marks my territory, since I’m not a risk taker. I don’t like being unsure whether thing will turn out this way or that way. As I probably have stated in my other blog post, I’m a perfectionist. I like things prim and proper. I want things to go the way I like them to, and if it wouldn’t, then I’d rather not do them at all.

For those of you who are claustrophobic, I don’t know what you feel. If you’re kind enough, can you share your experiences to me? I’d like to know about what you experience being in closed-in spaces. You could probably message me or comment down below so I could read it. For those of you who are claustrophilic as well, whether you felt different or the same, tell me about it okay 🙂 .

Note to Self # 2: Perfection

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I am a perfectionist. I think I am. When I do something, I want them to come out exactly as I envisioned them. Sometimes I may slack off, but it’s part of what I envisioned things would go.

At night I often think about what im gonna do for the whole day with precise timing. For example, at exactly 7:15, I will start to write this blog post. At 7:30, I shall eat dinner. Yeah, I know  it’s kind of normal, but I do this all the time. I’m quite a busy man… or teen, as you can see. And it is difficult because to be honest, it is very frustrating when I don’t achieve the perfection I envisioned.

Yes, I know, “Stop being a perfectionist then.” Easy to say, hard to accomplish. Why you say? Because whenever I think about no longer being  a perfectionist, at the back of my mind, I’m always in doubt. You can probably say I’m insecure of the future. I’m not a risk taker. I’d prefer to walk on a red carpet to the destination rather than taking a hike. And if such does not exist, then I’d rather not take the path at all.

I know, a lot of you guys are also perfectionists as well. I know that the slightest errors make you cringe. The urge to fix everything and put things in its place. I know I cannot apply  this to myself, but this might help you:

Think of perfectionism as a leash. A leash that secures you so you won’t get lost. However, it is also a leash that will keep you at bay forever.

 

Note to self #1: Negativity

One does not see an empty cup filled but sees a filled one emptied.

So let me take this time to talk a bit about myself. I assume that if you’re reading this, it’s either you have already read some if not most of my posts, or you have not even read a single one of them and is clueless of what I’m going to talk about. It’s okay, but I recommend you read some of my stories and poems so that you would better understand my point here.

As you may have noticed, I am into the horror genre. I love horror stories, books, movies, and even poems. But this interest of mine has something to do with myself. Yes I admit it, I’m a pessimist. My life wasn’t bad when I was a child, I wasn’t molested or anything. In fact, my life as a child has probably been better than many others. I have a loving family, caring friends,great educators, and I got all that I wanted without even having to ask for it. To tell you the truth, all this time, I’m confused as to why I’m such a negative person.

When I see something, I always notice the negative side, no matter how little. When I do something, it’s always the consequences that I think of. This is probably one of the reasons why I don’t have a lover right now. And I don’t think I will have in 30 years or so when I’m actually ready to build a family.

What does negativity give you? Some say nothing, sadness, all kinds of bad stuff. But you see, it’s not really my case. In fact, I can sometimes see this negativity as a blessing in disguise. It helps me to make sure that all my moves and decisions are safe.

If you think that you are like me, a negative, pessimistic, person… don’t worry too much about it. It’s who you are, accept yourself and life a live worth living.

Unsatiated Hunger for Knowledge

There are things in this world that we cannot truly understand, things we can’t grasp, things we can’t get hold of. This upsets us because human beings are designed to discover and know things beyond their current reach, despite the fact that we don’t understand anything at all.

Many are those who seek infinite knowledge. Even though we don’t even know what infinity is. It is, in fact, a big goal, or dream if you will. A dream that will never come true. Let’s face it, we cannot accept the fact that we know nothing. (besides one person by the name of Socrates) Our thirst for knowledge is greater than any emotional lust experienced by mankind. Yes, it is good to know more, but there was a saying, “curiosity killed the cat.” To know, is one thing. To know too much, is quite another. Yet, we cannot distinguish them apart.

Knowledge is like a drug, a domino effect, a rube Goldberg machine. Once you start, there’s no stopping until the end. But the thing is, is there an end? Is there a limit to the curiosity of mankind? Will we know when to stop? Do we know our boundaries as a mortal. You see, its useless to even try. Answering a question sparks up multiple more, like cutting the head of a hydra. Chop one, two more shall take it’s place.

You may think that I am pessimistic, but to be honest, I’m only saying the truth. The truth you never wanted to admit.

The Carcass

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The Carcass is a painting that visually depicts a butchered animal. In actuality, the carcass is an interpretative depiction of the inevitable fate of the weak and the controlled. It is the destiny of the weak and no longer useful. They will be butchered by the society with their judgemental predicaments.

The painting is a horse that has been cut from the chest down. A horse that has been once useful, now a bloody carcass no longer emanating the life and strength it used to have. It means to say that no matter how great you were, no matter how strong you were, as a mortal being, you are bound to fall to your grave. And when that happens, you won’t be remembered for what you were and what you did. you will be remembered as what you are right now, what you will be, and all the mistakes that you have done. And for that, they will cut you, hang you, leave you there like a lifeless corpse, meant to rot for all eternity.

That has always been the fate of mankind, from the beginning until now. And it is just a tiny fraction of how bad life can be, and how relentless fate may fall upon all of us.

The Good Samaritan

'The_Good_Samaritan'_by_David_Teniers_the_younger_after_Francesco_BassanoToday, as I went to the church (yes, I am quite a religious person and yes, I also believe in God if you would ask. I’m catholic by the way) and as I listened to the priest’s homily and bible reading, it occurred to me that what he was reading is in fact a very famous parable known to many whether they may be christian or not. As you may have read from the title up there, it says “The Good Samaritan.” Now I won’t be narrating the whole story since you probably know it. If you don’t, go look it up, SHAME ON YOU!

Just kidding, anyway, since you know about The Good Samaritan, let me tell you that there is a deeper meaning behind it other than just being kind to others. Pardon me for my bible preaching but here it comes, 3…2…1. So Jesus was asked by an expert in the law or a lawyer. The layer asked Jesus, despite knowing the answer himself, “what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus then answered, “What is written in the law?” their conversation went on until Jesus told the story to the lawyer.

In the end, Jesus told him to “Go and do likewise.”

You see, it’s not important whether you know what is good or what is bad. Knowledge itself is not adequate to be a righteous man, because to be one, you must also know how to apply this knowledge in real life, and not just in words.

A Day Filled with Fear

Whenever I wake up in the morning, I feel excitement, as I eat my breakfast, take a bath, and walk to school. On my way across the street, I walk pridefully side-by-side with students from other schools, I being the Science High School student that I am. But I know with anxiety that once I enter these gates, i am no longer someone special. It with great insecurity that I step inside these gates, to study, to learn, and to hopefully be a better student than I once was.

As I step out of these gates, i once again feel prideful, that I have overcome yet another day. But I fear that each step I take, each word I say, each breath I take, it could be my last, and that I may never get to do it again.

As I get home, happiness fills the air as I greet my mother and grandmother. Though regretful, I sometimes cram my homeworks at the late hour and is with great anxiety that I go back to bed, fearing I may never wake again.